How To Get Past The Pain & Get On With Your Life

How To Get Past The Pain & Get On With Your Life


We don’t all go through the same kind of pain, but no one goes through life without getting hurt.  Sometimes, that pain leaves emotional scars.  Scars that affect our relationships, our careers, our self-image.   But, there is hope.  There is a way to get past the pain of your past, and begin to thrive in every area of your life.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”
I must have said that hundreds of times as a kid.  
If only it were true.  
My body is covered in scars.  I have a scar under each knee where I jumped into the water from the ledge a big rock and met another big rock about 6 feet under the surface.  I have a scar between my fingers from holding a crawfish that didn’t much like me.  I’ve got scars from shaving in those early years of adolescence.  I’ve got dozens of scars, but I can’t even remember where most of them came from.  
Physical scars leave marks on our bodies, emotional scars leave marks on our souls.  Emotional scars may manifest themselves in different ways: anger, sadness, depression, fear (especially in relationships), resentment, and general pain.  The answer to these emotional scars is simple but often ignored and overlooked.  
If you track your pain down to the root, and if you are honest with yourself, you will probably find that you have unresolved issues with someone, something, or even God.  You have been through some hard, sad, potentially horrible things, and those things, if left untreated, will not only scar you but potentially ruin your life.  These things are painful, or at least unpleasant to revisit, so oftentimes we bury them before actually laying them to rest.
How do you lay the pain in your life to rest?  Acknowledge the bitterness and resentment that you are holding on to, and embrace forgiveness.  
Before you click away, give me a minute.  Let’s talk about what forgiveness is.  Forgiveness is not saying, it’s okay.”  What you have been through is not okay, but that does not mean it’s not forgivable.  You see, forgiveness is just as much, or more, for you than it is the person you are forgiving.  You can’t change the past, what they did, or what happened to you.  It is completely out of your control.  But every day that you remain bitter about that pain, you allow it to keep controlling your life.  
Marrianne Williamson said it best, Un-forgiveness is like drinking poison yourself, and waiting for the other person to die.”
Bitterness (or un-forgiveness) is a vicious and prominent disease in so many lives.

The Problem With Bitterness:

  • It steals your joy, relationships, and opportunities
    • You can’t have fun when you’re resentful.
    • It affects the choices you make, because you operate through fear (the filter of your past) rather than faith, so it steals your blessings & opportunities
  • It keeps you focused on your pain, rather than the opportunities you have to help others
    • If you are still thinking about the pain that has been brought upon you, you are thinking about yourself.  We were meant to live as a community, so selfish thoughts bring us down & keep us from fulfilling our purpose.
  • It isolates you & damages relationships
    • When you are bitter, you view life through a filter of trying to avoid pain.  This prevents you from enjoying your relationships and going to new levels of trust, security, and intimacy.
  • It affects your self-identity & self-worth
    • The pain of your past shouldn’t define you.  We should be transformed by God’s Word (Romans 12:2) so we know our true identity and value.  


So what is your next step?  Forgive.

Colossians 3:13 tells us to forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (NIV)
God forgave us of our sins so that he could heal what was hurting, restore what was broken, and create an environment where we could thrive.  Forgiveness reunites us with our purpose, frees us from our past, and allows us to finally move on from the pain. 
It’s not always easy, in fact, it hardly ever is at first.  You may have to forgive over and over and over again, releasing your pain and bitterness daily.  Forgiveness is a lifestyle- it is a conscious choice to free ourselves from burdens we were never meant to carry.  Living a life free of bitterness and resentment will lift the weight off of your shoulders, open new opportunities, and help you live the life you are meant to live.  
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